hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
