ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize