i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
