i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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