how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
