I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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