my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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