So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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