I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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