I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
