I feel great
I just peed on a car
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
