Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize