My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
