just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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