Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My bed smells like the plague
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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