i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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