Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
