New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize