There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
