He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
