Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
