So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
