just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
P.S. I can't hear my feet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
