i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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