How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
