you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
