someone threw a dead crab at me
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize