5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
