Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
