Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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