dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
