I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
