Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
