This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
