Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
