Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
