Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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