the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
