You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Porn is love you can see.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
