Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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