So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
