i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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