Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
