Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
