I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
