I'm lost and stupid without you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
