I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
