Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
