i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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