I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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