I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
