I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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