omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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