When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
