just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
