I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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