I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
