My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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