Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
