he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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