Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
