I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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