He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
