Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize