I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
