Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
