Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
