Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
