just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
