i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't put those talents on a resume
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
