Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
