sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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