we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
