She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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