oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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