i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cannot find my penis.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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