I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
