when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
