so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
