She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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