all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize