She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
