Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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