Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
