Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
