He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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