Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
