If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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