my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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