i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
