Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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