i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
