turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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