My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
