You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
