I'm gonna have a badass scar
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
