I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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