Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
