Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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