Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
