I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize