I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
