just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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