so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
