she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
