and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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