The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize