someone threw a dead crab at me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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