I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
