I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize