We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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