Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
