glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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