sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
organizing the empties. That sober.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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