Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
