Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
