Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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