im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
